25th: Post birthday thoughts

I recently got back from Madrid. Unlike the usual Dutch vacation, this trip is worth to me a lot more than just the customary summer getaway. It marked my 25th birthday and I celebrated it at the airport of a city I never dreamed of going. The first 12 hours of my birthday was spent sleeping on the cold floor of Madrid airport, in the window seat of Ryan Air, on the front seat of a bus going to Brussels and in the train going to Zeeland. Although I didn’t plan of spending it almost alone, I am glad that I had time to ponder on so many things that I wouldn’t have thought of while celebrating surrounded with family, friends and love ones.

 

 

Six years ago, I listed down five things that I wanted to achieve when I am 25. First to be a published writer and write a book, visit Paris, support my sister until graduation, have a liquid bank account and marry my then boyfriend ( I scratched the last one when I realized I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with him).

 

Looking back, I almost achieved everything. I became a writer for publications like newspapers and magazines, I visited Paris few months ago, my sister already has her degree and my bank account, although not very big has some money on it. The bank account is actually a symbol of being independent, earning money and spending what I worked hard for. And I was able to accomplish that, although MK paid for the train and the ticket (I could have done that myself but it was his birthday gift to me), I spent for this birthday trip myself.

If I am going to compare my accomplishment these days from the time I wrote those goals, I can very well tell myself that I have gone far. Unfortunately, that is not what I feel. As I age, there’s seemed to be more and more things that I want to achieve and it doesn’t end with material things and fulfilled ambition. I want more out of life and I want to find a happiness that is lasting, a happiness that won’t let me crave for more. But I realized as well that happiness is an evolving state of mind. It doesn’t stagnate, it’s changing as your perspective in life changes.

Will I ever catch that fleeting happiness, that contentment that everybody is so trying hard to achieve? Will I be forever happy with the man I love now, will the high of traveling (and traveling alone) last a very long time, will my career fulfills my cravings for self worth and will I still love myself when I am gray and wrinkled?

I do not have definite answers for those questions although I know that today, I am happy and I am claiming everything that fate is laying on my table. I’m actually grabbing it and not letting anything slip away. But of course, I want more!

The downside of having so much time to think about life is looking forward on the future. With my quarter of life, I don’t really feel that I accomplished a lot and the future is still a big question mark. Although I have plans but things can easily change with events that are unexpected. But that is also what makes my life exciting, the uncertainty of life and I am looking forward to it.

So now, let me list down again the things that I want to accomplish 5 years from now and I am writing it with more enthusiasm than five years ago. After all, dreams do come true!!!

1. Write a book (probably a tribute to my hometown or a fiction of my crazy love affairs)
2. Visit all the 7 continents and its key countries and cities.
3. Be a lawyer (my ultimate dream, next to being a writer)
4. Have a bank account that is not only liquid but will allow be to travel the world and still be eating three meals a day.
5. Build an enormous library that will house all the books that I love.
6. A house on top of a mountain with a very nice writing room.
7. Be as beautiful as I am now (for all of my life).
8. Love, completely, passionately and with no reservations!

You might noticed that all of these goals are all about myself. For me that is the basic of giving love, being entirely happy, overflowing that you can pass it to other people. The most important thing I am promising to myself now is, I won’t hold back in achieving all these goals!

Happy 25th birthday to me!!!!